Hubie Brown Knows How To Hurt Me

Hubie Brown has finally figured out why Chris Paul is so good.

"Paul's so good because he shoots a high field goal percentage on all of his shots," Says Brown.

First, that sentence is just a tad redundant. If you shoot a high field goal percentage then one would think that that would encompass all of his shots. Unless Hubie is conducting some sports viewing experiment where he is saying the dumbest shit possible to see if anyone notices, I have no explanation for his retardery besides him being 93 years old. Back to the Hubie's quote though. How can Hubie say with a straight face that Paul's excellence on the basketball court is derived from his ability to have a high field goal percentage? That's about the 10th most important thing he does for his team. What about setting his teammates up with easy shots? Or bringing a certain I will cut your balls off to win this game attitude. Seriously Hubie, you make me want to kill my TV.

Brown also called the two players the Hornets got for Tyson Chandler, Joe Smith and Chris Wilcox, excellent players. What the fuck are you talking about Hubie? Joe Smith, slightly above average. Chris Wilcox? He's never done anything besides take up space and make easy baskets. Is anyone going to pull the plug on this Completely Senile Hubie Commentating Experience?

Hey Kid, Crying Ain't Gonna Make Duke Any Less Gay

Duke got beat by 27 last night and I missed it. Instead of watching Lebron do his damn thing against the hapless defense of the Knicks I should have been basking in the sweet sweet destruction of the Blue Devils. Clemson, you are now my third favorite college team until someone else beats Duke by a shitload.

Hopefully this game will be replayed on ESPN Classic today. If not I guess I'm just going to have to order it from Clemson's athletic office so that I can pleasure myself to it five times a day. The only thing more satisfying than hearing about this is if Dick Vitale performed ritual suicide last night because of it. I would probably have to get a tat saying 2/4/09 if that happened.

LeBronnie Has SoSo Night

52 pts 11 asts 10 rbs. No big deal. The Knicks have been blasted in the ass the last two games. But if you're going to get assblasted it might as well be by Kobe and Bronnie. Also, HOVA and Diddy were in the front row a couple seats from each other. I wonder what they talked about?

Jigga: How is your cologne doing? What's it called again, Emminence?

Diddy: It's called Unforgivable, and it blends power, chemistry and emot...

Jigga: Yeah shut the fuck up. Shit smells like a hobo in a heatwave.

Anyway, the Knicks have to play the Celtics Friday. Which means they play the Lakers, Cavs, and Celtics consecutively. That is some fucked up scheduling. The NBA scheduling robot must have been a NYC Subway turnstile as his last job and is now taking it out on the Knicks. All that crotch in my face would make me a little bitter about the city too.

Not Impressed

I had the distinct pleasure of sitting 6 rows behind the hoop for the performance Sly mentions below.

Despite it being a home game for the Knicks, the crowd was giving Kobe all kinds of love, chanting "M-V-P" and basically fighting over who would have the first chance to please him orally like that Heather chick from the internet.

Well, not me. Consider me unimpressed. As the game wound down, the Lakers committed a foul, which quieted the crowd. The players lined up along the lane, including Kobe, to await for the free throws. The momentary calm provided the perfect opportunity for me to stand up and yell for all to hear:

"Hey, Kobe, ZERO rebounds. ZERO. What now?!"

Yeah, that's right. 61 points, but 0 rebounds. I put that fucker in his place.

Kobe Bryant: Back In The Clink

Kobe Bryant was arrested Monday on rape and murder charges after he burned down Madison Square Garden with 61 points in the Lakers win last night. The Knicks defense was found dead and violated by the NYPD immediately after their game with the Lakers. An unnamed NYPD source told us that the girl in Colorado that Kobe had his way with got off easy compared to the Knicks players, who were defenseless against such an onslaught of power and aggression.

Mike D'Antoni is being sought by police for questioning. It is widely speculated that he may be charged with collusion for his lack of focus on his team's defensive shortcomings.