Nat Grid - You're Something Else

National Grid called me a little bit ago. I pick up because a couple months ago we had our gas turned off for like five days and my roommates (cough cough warm water needer Steph cough) were not amused by the lack of hot water and heating in late February. As soon as I answer the phone I am blasted by an automated on-hold lady, who tricks me into saying hello twice because I thought, you know, they called me, I assume someone wanted to tell me something important and I would be talking to someone right.

Nah, that ain't how they roll. Automated lady tells me over and over again on a 15 second loop to remain on the line for about five minutes. Then the National Grid Rep finally deigns to talk to me.

Nat Grid Rep: Hello Sir, we're calling to tell you that you have an overdue gas bill.

Me (having already pulled up my last email from Nat Grid from a couple weeks ago): Yeah, that's funny though, because I'm signed up for the DirectPay option, where, you know, I don't have to pay over the phone.

Nat Grid Rep: Yeah, I can see you are signed up for that, but it hasn't gone into effect yet. So you can pay your past due balance or your total balance right now over the phone via check.

Me: Sure, whatever. So you need my routing number and account number right?

Nat Grid Rep: Ummm, yeah, just a sec. Things are a little wonky here. Since you enrolled in the DirectPay program you can't actually pay via check over the phone.

Me: Okay. So credit card then?

Nat Grid Rep: Yeahhhhhh, credit card or debit card. There is a fee we charge for this sort of payment though.

Me: How much?

Nat Grid Rep: (Mumbles something) Twenty Five.

Me: HOW MUCH DID YOU JUST SAY?!?!?

Nat Grid Rep: Sorry, $2.25.

Me: Okay. So let me get this straight. I enrolled in your DirectPay program at the beginning of the month. It hasn't taken effect yet, so I need to pay over the phone. But I have to pay a fee to pay over the phone. Because your DirectPay system is moving too slow processing my account or whatever? Is this happening right now?

Nat Grid Rep (short laugh): Yeah, if I was in your position I would be asking the same questions. I'm sorry about this.

Me: It's not your fault. It's Nat Grid's DirectPay processors.

Nat Grid Rep: Yeah. Well on your account here there hasn't been any stop order put on so you could just wait until the next billing cycle and DirectPay should be in effect by then.

Me (laughing): Then why are we talking right now? You guys will call or email if you're about to cut off my gas right?

Nat Grid Rep (laughing): Yeah. We send a notice via email.

Me (laughing): Well, good talk then. I'll see you out there.

Nat Grid Rep (laughing): Yeah, it's been fun. Have a nice day.

Me (laughing): You too.