A Who Dey Carol

On the night before the Bengals play the Bills for AFC supremacy, Kitty Katz is sitting in his living room, watching the Princess Diana Bengals video for the 7,000th time, when he gets a call from Giants Tim. They go over their yearly Bengals/Giants Bets. Giants Tim asks if he is going to the Bills game. Kitty informs him that he will never give Mike Brown a penny again, but that he will be watching it at the local watering hole, Second Place, where he will be drinking 50 cent Narragansetts, because Monday night is half priced drafts, and for the hour before Bengals games, Narragansetts are $1, hence the 50 cent drafts. 

Later that night Kitty is then visited by three apparitions, the Ghost of Who Dey Past, the Ghost of Who Dey Present, and the Ghost of Who Dey Yet-To-Be. 

The Ghost of Who Dey Past, Big Daddy Wilkinson shows up to remind Kitty how bad it used to be to be a fan of the Bengals in the 90's, and to not take the current team for granted. He also goes on a long diatribe about how he wasn't a bust, and it wasn't his fault that Mike Brown put such a crappy team around him, muttering about Rod Toast Jones and Rico McDonald, and in a different scenario he would have been a perennial all pro. He eventually wanders away after he loses his train of thought. 

The Ghost of Who Dey Present, Vonn Bell appears and exhorts Pretty Kitty to make sure Erica at 2P plays the fucking song if he wants to see the Bengals beat the Bills. Otherwise something bad might befall Eli Apple during the game. He says that he needs to balance the zen calm with the deranged to travel the path to glory. Vonn ends up getting annoyed and leaves when Paul just wants to talk to him about that 2015 Semifinal Game Ohio State played against Bama where Cardale was smashing folks like the big boulder from Indiana Jones. 

The Ghost of Who Dey Yet-To-Be: Retired Joe Burrow knocks on his door in a full length mink coat and Kangol Bucket Hat. He comes in and talks to P Kitty about what happens to the Bengals after he retired in 2032 after winning two super bowls with the Bengals. The years following his departure were not kind to Bengals fans. They brought Andy Dolphin out of retirement to be the starter. They go 1-16. They get the first pick in the draft and take Eli Manning's son, Strahan Manning. Manning blows, but they start him for four years anyway since the Browns didn't want to eat the guaranteed money they still owed him. The team goes 20-48 in those years. Zac Taylor somehow is still the fucking coach. The Bad Bungles are back and they're never leaving again, so you may need to find something else to do with your life. Retired Burrow suggests clean up his act, stops drinking and smoking, starts working out and maybe even don the little itty bitty kitty cap (yarmulke) and start attending Temple. Retired Joe Burrow is told to fuck off. 

The End