Who Is This Brian Cardinal You Speak Of?

As the inaugural post of this blog, I would like to tell you about Brian Cardinal. Brian played basketball at Purdue in the late 90's and ended up in the NBA for a number of years. He may still be playing, but unfortunately I'm not a scientist so how would I know that kind of shit.


Cardinal as a player was never more than unremarkable, but as a showcase of the amazing things the human body can do he was a champion. Every minute of every game Cardinal would sweat like an overdrugged hippy standing in the heat too long at an all day concert. On two occasions a ballboy for Purdue threw up after he got too close to his mop and inhaled too deeply of Cardinal's scent. It was his secret weapon. Opposing players were frozen by the smell and the sheer volume of liquid that would come off of his body when coming in contact with him.


Some of you out there may remember Gheorghe Muresan marketing a fake cologne that smelled like cabbage on an ESPN commercial. That idea was actually spawned/stolen from Cardinal's trademark Fish Of The Orient Cologne that was briefly sold in Indiana and Taiwan. According to my sources, in Taiwan the bottled aroma has magical medicinal powers like curing blindness, virtigo, and nasal congestion.