First Day of The Tourney

I'm gonna put down some notes on this most glorious happy day of basketball. It most definitely could get dumb around here.

• What's for lunch in this bitch? $1 to the kid that exclaimed, "All your eggs and spicy italian sausage!"
• While the grill pan gets hot, let's see who the first game is...Valpo and Michigan St...Valpo is like the word cloud jumble of Alpo and Valtraxxx. So many x's, that's how you know that shit works.
• I dropped a little soy sauce on my scrambled eggs like my Grandpa did when I was a youngin. Damn, this is some good nostalgia eatin.
• Michigan St attempts and fails a wade to lebron-esque alley oop. The announcer groans in displeasure, because he's old and doesn't like exciting plays. Fuck you old man. Calling it now, this will become a trend throughout the day.
• 10 minutes later, I'm done with the dishes, come back and the announcer is still getting little digs in about the failed alley oop just in case any old viewers need their opinions validated about everything that's wrong with basketball these days (here's a hint about their opinions, it's too black). 
• Michigan St is a lot better than Valpo. Uh oh. This might turn into Beat 'Em Down Mode very quickly. 29-12 MSU.
• Let's get this second game poppin on the oft skipped over TruTV. I thought this channel would be in the Direct TV hinterlands, but to my surprise it's been hiding in plain sight right in the murderers row of TNT, TBS, FX, and MALL. MALL is currently playing one of my favorite shows, Dr. Ordon's Secret. A riveting documentary about looking visibly younger through a couple easy tricks! 
• Anyway, TruTV has Butler vs Bucknell. We've got a barnburner folks. 9 to 8 after 9 whole minutes of play. At this rate, if we extrapolate the final score, carry the 2, double check my work, the final score of this game will be about 25-24. 
• Sooo many white players on the floor. So scrappy. Everyone has the lunch pail out on the floor right now, which is dangerous as shit.
• SCORING FLURRY! 13 to 10 Butler with 7 minutes left in the first half.
• Guhh, horribly low scoring clankfest or blowout? When's the 3rd game start? 1:40?!?!? That's 32 minutes away. Welp, Dr. Ordon's Secret it is. 
• Butler's Golden Boy (TM) Rotnei Clark is brickin threes like he's scared someone is going to take them away from him.
• Bucknell has a white guy named Casper. 
• So many commercials, so little time to zone all of them out.
• NAPA KNOW HOW Commercial without the guy singing is like flinching before getting hit by something, and then not getting hit by it.
• Michigan St is up 41-20 a little bit into the 2nd half. So far, even though not a single game has been decided yet, my all Big Ten Final Four is still intact!
• 5 minutes until Wichita St vs Pittsburgh starts. Law of averages says that it has to be a much better game than the other two currently playing. Law of averages also has a crippling drug problem, so it is wildly unreliable to count on for anything besides trying to steal quarters from your apartment.
•  WICHITA! One of my favorite places I will never ever go to but love saying out loud.
• Also, why is it Wichita State? Is it a State of mind?
• Tens of DOZENS of people at this game.
• Wichita State's nickname is The Shockers. And Silk the Shocker is their coach?!?! And their starting point guard is a 6 foot tall stun gun?!?! 
• Yep, third favorite team behind Ohio State and Cincinnati. 

• SILK
• 11 to 11 through 10 minutes. So yeah, another game barely holding my attention. There are some weird Silk the Shocker google images though.
• Oh man, these teams are chucking right now. 
• Back to TruTV and Butler vs Bucknell. This game has become rather entertaining. Players are hitting shots. The tempo is going up. Hell yeah. Law of Averages is back baby! And he's high as hell right now. 
• "Casper floats down the lane." It could of been yours announcers. 
• And as soon as I get interested in this game Butler pulls away. Cool.  
• "Casper floats one off the glass and in." Announcers be slippin. 
• And I've switched over to St Louis vs New Mexico St. And a foul on St. Louis' Rob Lowe. He is LITERALLY. Not the same Rob Lowe as the actor. 
• So far, the winners of today have been people that like low scoring, poorly played games! 
• Come on Wichita, shock these Pitt Panther dickweeds. 
• Oh yeah, I hate the city of Pittsburgh for trivial reasons such as: the Steelers own the Bengals. I'm petty, sue me! 
• 38-31 Shockaz! Don't mess with the stun gun if you don't want the electrical current. 
•  Could Lebron beat some of the lesser teams in the tourney 1 on 5? Food for thought.
• Uh oh. Pitt's starting to crater just like their city's economic prospects! ZINGER. 
• Alright Shockerz, FENEESH THEEEM! Mostly so I don't have to watch this game anymore and can happily know that Pitt no longer exists.
• Aaaaand this shit over. Who else is on? Oh how cute adorable little Davidson is back in the tourney. I guess that'll do. And they're winning. Of course they are, they're like Chuckie. You think it's just a silly little toy, and then all the sudden you're being fed to some spinning teeth at the end of a conveyor belt while Davidson/Chuckie cackles away. 
• Watching the St. Mary's vs Memphis game and one of the announcers just compared the St. Mary's point guard, Delladova, to Peyton Manning because...they're both slow? It wasn't a well thought out point. Oh man, all of this horrible announcing and not very exciting basketball has broken my brain. I'm gonna take a little break from this for a while, or maybe ever. 
• Per Tim's drinking update request - I've eyed the Four Roses bottle a couple times but haven't taken the actual plunge just yet. But it is 5PM...
• Whiskey and bitters has been engaged.
• Davidson has asked Marquette to dance, but Marquette ain't got no moves. 
• Flashback. In October I was all set to watch an Ohio State vs Marquette game on my tv. It was going to be taking place in Charleston Bay on an aircraft carrier. Too bad the bay got too cold at night and condensation started rising off the water and they couldn't keep the court dry. I watched the refs hem and haw for an hour before they finally cancelled that game. Marquette, you owe me an hour of my life back. Also, whoever didn't take into account condensation rising off a goddamn bay into your plans should have been fired for not being a scientist. 
• OH MY GOD 6 FAST 6 FURIOUS LOOKS SO...MUCH LIKE THE FIRST FUCKING FIVE OF THE MOVIES. I'm sure it's great though. (tugs at collar, gives eye roll)
• Oh man, Southern is hanging with Gonzaga so far. If Gonzaga loses the NCAA Selection Committee will never ever give another mid-major team a #1 seed. Hahaha. Sigh. 
• Ohio State is in Gonzaga's region and if Gonzaga get knocked out then Ohio State might as well just be given a do not pass go, go directly to the Final Four card.
• Okay. Let's do this again. Davidson asked Marquette to dance, thinking Marquette had no moves. But it turns out Marquette is Morris Day and the motherfuckin Time.  
•