I Like To Drunk

BLACK VELVET ANYONE?!?!?!

Everyone does the whole drinking thing their own way. Well I figured I might as well sound off about it and then have people read this and hold arbitrary opinions about me based on whatever bullshit I'm about to come up with.

You drink to get drunk (of varying degrees). I mean, I don't know anyone that ever sets out to drink and not get drunk. It would be a weird phrase to hear, "Yeah let's have some drinks, and boy oh boy I can't wait to be sober later!" Now obviously when you're on the whiskey river you ideally pull your funtimes canoe over to the side well before you get to the waterfall of immense drunkenness. But sometimes that doesn't happen, and you paddle yourself right off the cliff singing Bad Company and then just hope you don't drown in the murky blackwater rapids below.

Being an alcohol snob doesn't make you a better person, it just makes you a snob. There's a small but distinct layer of hell reserved for people who won't drink certain things because they have preconceived notions about themselves not ever deigning to drink a delicious Bud Light Lime. I like good expensive alcohol as much as the next fancy bitch, but that doesn't mean there is a single damn thing wrong with getting a little tipsy on Franzia. There are plenty of good things about the cheap shit that people could potentially miss out on just because in their heads cheap shit equates to them inching closer to their worst nightmare of becoming a hobo. Hobos are people too. They just chose to live life hard and fast and with no regrets, so who's to say they aren't the ones we should be learning more from.

I AM RON STRONG FROM MICHIGAN, HURRRR, AND I ONLY KNOW TWO THINGS. GIRLY DRINKS  WITH UMBRELLAS AND SHIT MAKE YOUR DICK FALL OFF. AND THE SECOND THING IS THAT IF YOUR DICK HAS FALLEN OFF YOU ARE NO LONGER A MAN. SO GET THAT GIRLY DRINK SHIT OUT OF MY FACE BEFORE I HAVE TO SQUAT THRUST YOU OUT OF THIS BAR BRAH. Ron Strong may have strong points, but look at it from this other better angle. Girly drinks usually taste good (positive feature). They sometimes are funny looking and easy to make jokes about (positive feature). And they let the ladies know that you're confident in your drink ordering abilities, "Can I get a side of HYPE with that Daquiri please?" (positive feature). Also, ordering one basically announces to the world that you like to party (positive feature).

FIREBALL. Fireball is that shit. I recommend everyone drink more of it.

Drinking 'n Clowning is more fun than being serious while drinking. I generally think making a big ole ass out of yourself usually reveals as much about other people getting offended over nothing as you being a buffoon. Ign'ance is bliss y'all. Get out there and have fun. People that have enough time to judge other people should also have enough time to worry about they own damn selves and not what you or my drunk ass is doing over here. Societal conventions sounds like some shit that Quakers made up cause they thought music was a devilish trick. AND R Kelly is the best drinkin music (especially Happy People). R Kellz is like the scientist in the lab mixing potions and centrifuging, isolating, refuting, and hypothesizing until he has the perfect mix of I'M BOUT TO DANCE IN HERE.